Today is a day of thoughtful reflection and emotion.
First, was the revelation that if I am serious about becoming a mother (dun, dun, dun, dun, dunnnnn), then I need to take the weight I have gained back off. Well, hell, don't you think I have been trying that?!?! Sombering to say the least. I have been riding this roller coaster for a while, and I definitely understand the realities behind it. I, like a genius, pulled up some photos from my engagement (I had lost a significant amount of weight at that time), and the jury is still out on whether that was helpful of harmful. I realize more than ever that I miss some of the support systems that I had in place to help me on this journey, and that I need to find what came from within once again. Where in the hell did that run off too? I think I left it at the end of college graduation. Anyone have a time machine I can borrow? On that note; call into the nutritionist = done! Emotional motivation = here! Reality of failed recent attempts = in attendance!
Second, I love skating - this is not a new revelation. I had a blast at drop in derby last night and definitely want to continue it. Sometimes we forget about the things we love because we are so wrapped up in life and the day-to-day. We have to stop saying, "I will get around to that when..." This is a horrible excuse that gets us no where. It does not get us doing the things we love, it does not get us to the places we love, it does not allow us to explore the world, it does not allow us to a career that fulfills us, and it does not make sense for a happy and fulfilled future. My husband is truly an inspiration for this; he isn't afraid of things of this nature, and even though he drives me crazy, it helps me to push my own boundaries and take a different outlook on aspects of my life. Whatever your "I will..." is, get out there and do it!
Third, in less than two weeks I will officially be "in" my thirties! This is a scary thought for many reasons: my baby sister is now legally allowed to drink, my father is not immortal, my mother is a saint, my older sister is an inspiration, and my brother is, well... hes got a good heart. Priorities change the older you get, and I am learning to appreciate them. Age is only a number, but there seem to be certain passages that come with those ever changing numbers: learning to appreciate your family more and learning who your true friends are, taking stock of your life and thinking ahead to retirement, those damn grey hairs that keep multiplying in between touch ups, the value of a good pair of shoes, and realizing that this is the only chance we have to "get it right", or in my case as close to that as possible.
Finally, love is a funny thing. Love is about so much more that happy pictures, a fairy tale wedding, external shows of affection, and eternally wedded bliss; it is about getting one another through every peak and every valley and facing the challenges together. It's about living with someone that you feel like murdering some days and other days not being able to be away from them. It's about the person who completes you, challenges you, fights with you but never against you, and drives you crazy. Love is about someone knowing you inside and out and still loving you.
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