Making "new" happen

As the month draws to a close, 31 has come and gone, and I am bit frustrated with myself.
It's time to seriously change my mindset and that's is proving to be a much more difficult task than it has been in the past... I am not sure why that is and that makes it worse. 

I am working to figure it out and it needs to come sooner than later. I love my husband, I am thoroughly enjoying my exhausting job, and we are having a blast with where we are at and the things we are doing. However, as we look at taking the next steps in life, my mind is having a hell of a time getting to where it needs to be. 

Now, that I recognize this in full course, it's time to rectify this problem starting this new coming of a new season with a new mindset. The only question is, how exactly do I go about doing that?!?!

Forget the fairy tale - an actual love-ish story.

In less than 10 days, I will turn 31 and that means that I have known my husband for more than half of my life. Honestly, that seems so very impossible, and there are only an elite few that have that honor (or horror, depending upon who you ask!).

If you are expecting fairy tale perfection here, you can keep moving, this isn't the story for you, and I won't bore you with all the details, but here are some random highlights: rocky starts, a yellow camaro, blue hair dying in the front yard in the middle of (Florida) winter, skater pants, sneaking out in the middle of the night, a lost watch, random trips to nowhere, skipping school, separation, a gold necklace, moving to Atlanta, Marvelous 3's final concert, no sleep (who needed sleep?!?), shuttle launches, a Christmastime proposal, long drives, fights, being ramen noodle broke, turning 21 twice, buying a house, marriage planned in two weeks, surgery, making lifelong friends, college, one car totaled,  a broken foot (it was his fault), learning the importance of family, a broken nose (or so he says), graduation, still no sleep (different reasons), remodeling, puppy dogs, not wearing wedding bands, crazy cats, success and loss, traveling, moving cross country, snowboarding, and loving life.

Obviously, we have both grown and changed immensely since the start of our relationship, and that hasn't exactly been simple; I am pretty certain we have only made it through some days because murder = prison. We are not a fairy tale couple: we are flawed, damaged, imperfect, and still have a ton of room for improvement, but most days we work hard to make it worthwhile. Today, the mundane reminded me of just that, we are imperfect, but as we get older we are growing mostly for the better. We don't have it all figured out and some days it feels like we have none of it figured out, but we keep fighting through our flaws together.

I don't know what the secret to a long, fruitful, and happy marriage is, and I have no idea if that will be where this journey ends, but I do know that as long as we can keep overcoming the hurdles, we have a chance.

So, forget the fairy tales and start searching for a realistic narrative that is ever changing and evolving, that is where you will find your prince charming even though some days he will still seem a bit like a frog.

Our wedding in Negril. 

Turning 31 and babies on the brain

Today is a day of thoughtful reflection and emotion.

First, was the revelation that if I am serious about becoming a mother (dun, dun, dun, dun,  dunnnnn), then I need to take the weight I have gained back off. Well, hell, don't you think I have been trying that?!?! Sombering to say the least. I have been riding this roller coaster for a while, and I definitely understand the realities behind it. I, like a genius, pulled up some photos from my engagement (I had lost a significant amount of weight at that time), and the jury is still out on whether that was helpful of harmful. I realize more than ever that I miss some of the support systems that I had in place to help me on this journey, and that I need to find what came from within once again. Where in the hell did that run off too? I think I left it at the end of college graduation. Anyone have a time machine I can borrow? On that note; call into the nutritionist = done! Emotional motivation = here! Reality of failed recent attempts = in attendance!

Second, I love skating - this is not a new revelation. I had a blast at drop in derby last night and definitely want to continue it. Sometimes we forget about the things we love because we are so wrapped up in life and the day-to-day. We have to stop saying, "I will get around to that when..." This is a horrible excuse that gets us no where. It does not get us doing the things we love, it does not get us to the places we love, it does not allow us to explore the world, it does not allow us to a career that fulfills us, and it does not make sense for a happy and fulfilled future. My husband is truly an inspiration for this; he isn't afraid of things of this nature, and even though he drives me crazy, it helps me to push my own boundaries and take a different outlook on aspects of my life. Whatever your "I will..." is, get out there and do it!

Third, in less than two weeks I will officially be "in" my thirties! This is a scary thought for many reasons: my baby sister is now legally allowed to drink, my father is not immortal, my mother is a saint, my older sister is an inspiration, and my brother is, well... hes got a good heart. Priorities change the older you get, and I am learning to appreciate them. Age is only a number, but there seem to be certain passages that come with those ever changing numbers: learning to appreciate your family more and learning who your true friends are, taking stock of your life and thinking ahead to retirement, those damn grey hairs that keep multiplying in between touch ups, the value of a good pair of shoes, and realizing that this is the only chance we have to "get it right", or in my case as close to that as possible.

Finally, love is a funny thing. Love is about so much more that happy pictures, a fairy tale wedding, external shows of affection, and eternally wedded bliss; it is about getting one another through every peak and every valley and facing the challenges together. It's about living with someone that you feel like murdering some days and other days not being able to be away from them. It's about the person who completes you, challenges you, fights with you but never against you, and drives you crazy. Love is about someone knowing you inside and out and still loving you.